How to Make Friends as an Adult

Last updated November 4, 2026 · 6 minute read

To make friends as an adult, keep showing up in the same place with the same people. Then turn the ones you click with into friends by following up, sharing a little more each time and inviting them to something small. It usually takes months of regular contact, not weeks, so pick an activity you can keep up. You do not need to be outgoing, just consistent.

Why does it feel harder to make friends as an adult?

At school or in a first job, you saw the same people almost every day without planning it. Adult life tends to pull that apart: busy schedules, family duties, moving and working from home all mean fewer chances to run into the same people again and again. Often the problem is how daily life is arranged, not you.

Friendship also takes a lot of time. A 2018 University of Kansas study of adults who had recently moved estimated roughly 50 hours together to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and more than 200 hours to become a close friend. The same study found that relaxed, social time counted for more than time spent working side by side. At two hours a week, 50 hours takes about six months.

If you feel lonely, you are far from the only one: the World Health Organization said in 2025 that loneliness affects 1 in 6 people worldwide.

Where can you meet the same people again and again?

Look for something that happens on a schedule with a fairly steady group. One-off events make it hard to see the same faces twice. In a small 2008 study in Psychological Science, 54 first-year university students were given random seat numbers at one introductory session, and a year later those seated next to each other reported stronger friendships.

If crowds drain you, choose a setting with something to do besides talk, such as a class, a game or a shared task. Conversation then has an easy starting point. Arrive early, when it is calmer, and decide when you will leave. If you are nervous, the National Health Service (NHS) in England says you can ask to watch a group or class first. Places that suit this include:

• A weekly class, such as cooking, dance or a language
• A volunteer shift that repeats, such as a community garden
• A sports league, running club or walking group
• A choir, book club or board game night
• A faith or community group that meets regularly
• A gym class or a cafe where you can become a regular

How do you turn an acquaintance into a friend?

Start with the activity itself. Easy openers are 'How long have you been coming?' and 'What got you into this?' Ask one follow-up question, listen for a detail, and bring it up next time. Remembering small things shows you were paying attention. If a chat goes well, ask the best way to stay in touch.

Then share a little more each time, at about the pace the other person does: facts and opinions first, then how you feel. A 1994 analysis that combined many studies (Psychological Bulletin) found that people who share more personal information tend to be liked more, and that people tend to like those they have confided in.

Within a few days of a good conversation, make a second contact outside the group. Keep it short, specific and easy to decline. Inviting one person is often easier than organizing a group. For example, you could send:

• I enjoyed hearing about your garden. I'm getting coffee after class on Thursday if you'd like to join.
• You mentioned that new ramen place. I'm going Friday evening. Want to join? No pressure either way.
• I'm walking after the Sunday session. Want to come along?

How do you keep a friendship going when life is busy?

Make it a rhythm, not a favor. A standing plan, such as a walk on the first Saturday of the month or lunch every other Wednesday, is easier to keep than 'let's catch up soon'. Fold friendship into things you already do, like walking during a catch-up call or running errands together.

Keep contact light between meetings: a photo, a link, a 'thinking of you' message. In experiments published in 2023 in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, people who reached out after a gap consistently underestimated how much the other person would appreciate it. So a message you hesitate to send after a quiet spell is more likely to be welcome than it feels.

Can you make friends online?

Yes, as a way to find people. Online groups and apps can help if you are new to an area, have limited mobility or have a niche interest. Use them to find a club or event, then meet in person in a group once you feel comfortable.

Before meeting someone you only know online, take simple precautions. Victoria Police in Australia (2025) advises choosing a busy place, meeting in daylight and sharing your location with friends. The U.S. Federal Trade Commission (2022), writing about romance scams, says never to send money or gifts to a sweetheart you have not met in person. Slow down if someone pressures you, avoids meeting or asks for money.

What if it does not go well?

Some invitations will get a polite no, a late reply or no reply. That can simply reflect someone else's busy week. Follow up once, lightly, after a week or so, then let it rest and put your energy elsewhere. Spreading your effort across several people and groups means no single reply carries too much weight.

It also helps to know that people tend to judge their own conversations too harshly. In studies published in Psychological Science in 2018, people who had just talked with someone new consistently believed the other person liked them less than that person said they did, and the gap lasted for months among first-year students getting to know their dorm mates. The awkward moment you keep replaying probably landed better than it felt.

These habits can slow things down:

• Judging a group after one visit.
• Waiting to be invited instead of making a small first move.
• Saying 'let's catch up sometime' without naming a day.
• Only seeing people in big groups, never one to one.
• Sharing nothing personal, or sharing too much too soon.
• Canceling repeatedly without suggesting another time.

When should you get more help or support?

Loneliness is common and is not a personal failing, but it can get heavy. The NHS suggests seeing a doctor if stress, anxiety or low mood is hard to cope with, if your mood has stayed low for more than two weeks, or if the things you are trying yourself are not working.

A 2024 review in World Psychiatry found that the connection works in both directions: lonely people face a higher risk of mental health problems such as depression, and people with mental health problems face a higher risk of loneliness.

A doctor, counselor or therapist can help with low mood or social anxiety. The U.S. Surgeon General's 2023 advisory lists reaching out to a family member, friend, counselor or health care provider as a step when loneliness feels hard. Outside the United States, a local doctor or health service can point you to local options.

If you are in the United States and are in crisis or thinking about suicide, call or text 988, or text HOME to 741741 to reach the Crisis Text Line, and call 911 if you are in immediate danger.

What should you do next?

Keep the first step small. This week, pick one activity that repeats, and put the first date in your calendar. At each visit, aim for one real conversation and learn one new detail about someone. After a few visits, invite the person you clicked with to something small and specific.

In the Solution Oriented Society (SOS) app, the free Social Connection tracker lets you log how lonely or connected you feel each day and try small challenges, such as inviting someone for coffee.

Sources

1. How many hours does it take to make a friend? (Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, SAGE, 2018)
2. How to make friends? Study reveals how many hours it takes (University of Kansas, 2018)
3. Social connection linked to improved health and reduced risk of early death (World Health Organization, 2025)
4. Becoming friends by chance (Psychological Science, Association for Psychological Science, 2008)
5. Get help with loneliness (NHS (National Health Service, England), 2026)
6. Self-disclosure and liking: A meta-analytic review (Psychological Bulletin, American Psychological Association, 1994)
7. The surprise of reaching out: Appreciated more than we think (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, American Psychological Association, 2023)
8. Safety tips when meeting someone from online (Victoria Police, Australia, 2025)
9. What To Know About Romance Scams (U.S. Federal Trade Commission, Consumer Advice, 2022)
10. The liking gap in conversations: Do people like us more than we think? (Psychological Science, Association for Psychological Science, 2018)
11. Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications (World Psychiatry, World Psychiatric Association (via PubMed Central), 2024)
12. Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General's Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office of the Surgeon General, 2023)